Learn to appreciate the “not you” in your partner.
Be open, interested and curious about who your partner is and what matters to them.
Learn your partner’s owners manual. Who they are, what they want, what matters to them and how they got to be how they are.
Inquire. Resist making assumptions or jumping to conclusions about what your partner is thinking, saying, meaning.
Practice listening with an open mind and do not formulate an answer or rebuttal.
Try being vulnerable: saying how you feel rather than what your partner did. “I am sad and feel distant. What I really want is to spend some time with you in bed.”
Practice being grateful for each other. Tell each other what you love and appreciate about them.
Clear withheld feelings and resentments regularly. It’s easier if you don’t have a bunch stored up souring your relationship.
Make time for lovemaking, touching, pillow talk, embraces, eye contact and orgasm. Not necessarily all every time.
Transitions are hard. Welcome each other home each day. Tuck each other into bed at night. Say good-bye when you leave each day.
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